


fusion is just a cheap tactic to make nonbinary teens love themselves

by Penguinologist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Nonbinary Character, every bodie is trans except perhaps for karkat, no ive considered it and karkat is trans as well thank u
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-22 14:43:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21078530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penguinologist/pseuds/Penguinologist
Summary: karkat and dave talk abt nepeta and davesprite and davepeta bc thats all i want





	fusion is just a cheap tactic to make nonbinary teens love themselves

DAVE: hey kark

DAVE: hey

DAVE: 

DAVE: kark wake up

DAVE:

DAVE:

DAVE: 

DAVE: KARKAT WAKE UP

KARKAT: snnzzZZHDJKGFJHSJSBKBS

KARKAT: FUCK!!!!!!

KARKAT: WHAT!!!

DAVE: hey

KARKAT:

KARKAT:

KARKAT:

KARKAT: ………...hey

DAVE: can i ask you about something

KARKAT: fuck no

He rolls over in bed to face away from you. You scooch over until your shoulder touches his back.

DAVE: I was just wondering

DAVE: about uh....

DAVE:....

KARKAT:........

DAVE:......................

KARKAT:......................................

DAVE:............................................................................-

KARKAT: christ dave what were you wondering about

DAVE: what was nepeta like   
  


You feel the muscles in his back tense suddenly. After a moment, he flips back over and looks you in the eye.

KARKAT: you wake me up at 10 in the goddamn morning

KARKAT: to ask me about what my dead friend

KARKAT: whose name im not sure ive heard you ever even MENTION before now

KARKAT: “””””””was like”””””””.

KARKAT: why.

DAVE: I-

You open your mouth to respond, but suddenly feel like a little bit of an asshole. Unfortunately, you are Dave Strider. You press on.

DAVE: I dunno man

DAVE: cant a guy lie awake sometimes wondering about a girl he never got to meet but whom everybody else he knows knew pretty well and seemed to like

DAVE: like out of all you guys im pretty sure she trolled me the least way back when, and then during the game itself i dont think we talked at all

DAVE: which is sort of a shame looking back cause when she did message me she seemed like the only one of you who actually got what trolling was

DAVE: like all these fuckin aliens messaging us weird ominous shit and then she just comes outta nowhere with the furry rp

DAVE: fucking legendary

DAVE: like hey puny human whose universe i brought into existence through means beyond your comprehension im a widdle kitty cat what are you gonna do about

DAVE: and i guess the answer was fucking nothing because i legit did not know how to deal with that

DAVE: like i remember trying to play along just because

DAVE: idk, just cringing the fuck out of there felt like letting her win somehow

DAVE: but then i guess thats what i ended up doing anyway cause little repressed homo me just couldnt fuckin crack it in the kittyverse

DAVE: shit i bet she and jade had some fucking conversations though huh

DAVE: what i wouldnt give to be a fly on that wall

DAVE: wait could i be a fly furry is that a thing

DAVE: buzz buzz

DAVE: *lands on poop*

DAVE: *rubs legs together*

DAVE: *rubs legs together*

DAVE: *rubs legs to-

KARKAT: is this about bird-sprite-you?

Your mouth snaps shut. Karkat seems to take that as confirmation, yawning.

KARKAT: its ok if it’s that.

KARKAT: honestly i was wondering when we were gonna open up that fucking can of grubs

KARKAT: wasn’t expecting it to be in the middle of our  _ fucking _ sleep cycle but i guess i probably should have been.

You don’t say anything. He sighs.

KARKAT: listen……

KARKAT: You’re right. Nepeta was great. She was… the best of us, even. Which is funny because, except for you I guess, everybody thought she made a pretty shitty troll. Especially back on Alternia.

KARKAT: She was too nice. She never had a bad thing to say about anyone.

KARKAT: And as much as that creeped us all out, it also... drew people to her. Without her, I don’t think our friend-group could ever have come together like it did.

KARKAT: She showed us it was OK to just, like, chill out on all our lususshit sometime.

KARKAT: In, like, the cringiest way possible, of course, but once you got used to it, talking to her was really… nice.

KARKAT: I didn’t get used to it fast enough.

KARKAT: I wish I could go back and tell younger me to, like, be more into it. She needed more friends who got what she was about.

He goes quiet. You turn on your side and wrap your arms around him, hugging him close. He doesn’t protest. You press your face softly into his shoulderblade.

DAVE: Sorry if I sounded, like, flippant before. I know this stuff is hard to talk about.

He shifts against you, relaxing slightly.

KARKAT: You kind of did, but apology accepted. It is hard, but it’s complicated with Nepeta specifically since, like, im not even totally convinced she’s dead? Or if she is, what that even means at this point?? And if she’s still alive somehow, whether shes in a state that i should be calling her “Nepeta” or “she” to begin with!

You make an ambiguous little humming noise. Karkat, as usual, seems to know exactly what you’re thinking about.

KARKAT: I, uh… I think about them, sometimes. Her and, uh… you. You-sprite.

DAVE: Davesprite. We diverged so long ago, its dumb to keep acting like we’re the same person. Just two dudes named Dave.

KARKAT: Right. Except, one of you isn’t a dude, or named Dave.

DAVE: ...Right.

KARKAT:...

DAVE:..........

KARKAT:.............

DAVE:...........................

KARKAT… it’s. Weird. Kind of. Isn’t it?

DAVE: was that one sentence or four

KARKAT: Shut up. 

DAVE: what’s weird?

KARKAT: I mean, y’know… Jade’s the only one we know who ever really got to  _ talk _ to them, but the way she tells it, they just…

KARKAT: they sound so…

KARKAT:  _ happy _

DAVE:

DAVE:

DAVE: yeah.

DAVE:

DAVE:

DAVE: weird.

KARKAT:

KARKAT: … I mean. It’s not  _ that _ weird though, is the thing.

DAVE: ...no?

KARKAT: no! I mean, yes, the whole situation is objectively really really fucking weird, to the point that its actually hard to wrap your thinkpan around the fact that it actually fucking happened

KARKAT: but

KARKAT: not because of it being you and Nepeta. 

KARKAT: that part almost makes sense.

DAVE: uh...

DAVE: how do you figure

KARKAT: well, uh, just,

He wriggles awkwardly in your embrace for a second before popping free and turning over to look at you.

KARKAT: you two are like

KARKAT: or, davesprite and nepeta  _ were _ like,

KARKAT: opposites, almost. In some ways.

KARKAT: but then in other ways, they were kind of really similar?

DAVE: and what kinds of ways would those be

KARKAT: well

KARKAT: nepeta was basically totally shameless with her interests, whereas davesprite was very easily embarrassed.

DAVE: false davesprite was a fucking brick wall of stoicism try again

He gives you a look and fuck off what is that look supposed to mean. You feel your cheeks turn slightly pink.

DAVE: whatever continue

He rolls his eyes.

KARKAT: well _ ,  _ I guess, nep was really… affectionate. She got along with everyone, and wanted everyone to know how much she liked them.

KARKAT: meanwhile, davesprite was,

DAVE: a feathery asshole?

KARKAT: yeah

You frown and he rolls his eyes again. He does that a lot.

KARKAT:  _ but, _ there’s a flipside to that. Nepeta was well liked- more than she ever knew, i think- but she was never  _ admired _ . She liked doing the cutesy purrbeast shit, but she also wanted to be seen for the awesome scary apex predator that, in all honesty, she totally was.

KARKAT: but nobody ever really acknowledged it. She never got any big hero moments. Mostly she just played pacifier for her creepy highblood moirail and then got killed by a stupid clown.

KARKAT: Davesprite, on the other hand, was everything she never got to be; he was charming, funny in an intentional way, and even- and your feeble mind will never understand how much it pains me to say this-  _ cool _ .

DAVE: ok now i know you’re talking out of your ass

KARKAT: It’s true, unfortunately. Even if he didn’t always know it himself. The motherfucker had style.

DAVE: im 99% sure you never even met him

KARKAT: didn’t need to. He was cool as fuck and everybody knows about it.

DAVE: jesus

KARKAT: Anyway though, you can see how it makes sense, right?

DAVE: Uh??? Not really?? 

KARKAT: They each wanted deep down what the other had. When they fused, those needs were fulfilled for the first time in either of their lives. That has to feel good, don’t you think?

DAVE: hm.

You roll over onto your back and look up at the ceiling. You kind of wish you had your shades on right now. He wraps his arms around your midsection and curls into you, yawning.

KARKAT: Satisfied? Can i go back to sleep now?

DAVE: ...wait.

DAVE: you said we were similar somehow too

DAVE: i mean

DAVE: they

DAVE: davesprite and nepeta

DAVE: were similar

DAVE: but you didnt say how

He snorts and squeezes you a little.

KARKAT: well

KARKAT: for one thing, “they” both really seemed to love annoying the fuck out of me

KARKAT: and for another, they were two of my all time favorite people

KARKAT: so yeah they must have agreed on some stuff

A smile tugs at the corner of your mouth. You lean over and kiss the back of your boyfriend’s head.

DAVE: ...I do rank higher than davesprite on that list though right

KARKAT: dont ask questions you cant handle the answers to strider

You put your boyfriend in a headlock as he cackles.

-

A while later, as you listen to the soft sounds of Karkat nodding back off, you examine the patterns of glow in the dark stars on your respiteblock ceiling and wonder what it must have been like.

In that moment when they touched and two suddenly became one, what did they feel? Was there any time, any tiny fraction of an instant for their sprite-enhanced brains to register what was about to happen to them? And after that, perhaps, another instant where their minds first touched, but were not yet completely together, for them to, to… see each other coming?

You don’t know if its better or worse if there was. You think that, probably, Davesprite at the very least must have had those moments, what with his time powers and all. For him, that moment could have felt like an eternity, staring into the eyes of the girl he was about to… ugh.

An easy, unattractive picture of the events unfolds in your mind fully formed, as it has before, as if it were the only one possible.

Of _course_ Davepeta would be happy. What version of you _wouldn’t_ be happy to get a piece of what sweet, cute, easy-going Nepeta had? Even if you had to take it, take _her,_ _all _of her, to make it a part of yourself?

When you look at it from her perspective, it seems downright horrifying. Of all the people to accidentally stumble into a fusion with, why did it have to be  _ you? _ And not only that, but maybe the lamest possible version of you. The you you wanted to be least of all. The you who had hurt Jade, who even John had grown to hate. The you who had, without any exaggeration, driven everyone he cared about away.

If Davepeta had seemed happy, you know for certain it wasn’t by unanimous decision. That shit had denial written all over it. Somewhere in there, buried under all those dumb feathers and fur and born-again positivity, was a girl who got the shittiest deal you could possibly imagine. Being you.

  
  
  


But.

  
  
  
  


Karkat had known her much better than you ever had. He’d cared about her a lot. Just like he does with all his friends. You’d spent a long time up till now assuming he saw what had happened to her in much the same way you did, but… maybe not? He actually seemed pretty cool about it.

Which, yeah, of course, dumbass. He loves you. He actually believes people can be happy around you. That you can make them happy.

You need to keep reminding yourself of that. That it’s not all just pretend to make you feel better or something. The guy is clearly nub over nugbone for you, and you owe it to him to recognize that. He deserves that much. And… maybe you do too.

You snuggle up even closer to him, and he makes some happy sleeping troll noises that make you want to get out your phone and take a video for twitter. You don’t. You definitely have before, but not right now.

You sigh through your nose. You wish you could talk to them. To her, and him, and both of them together. Maybe they could help you understand. And even if they couldn’t, maybe you’d just _ like _ them. Maybe they’d like you. 

In the end, isn’t that enough?

**Author's Note:**

> idk lol im not funny enough to write homestunk stuff and i havent written anything in a long time but i love these kids!! i love these kids. idk why i call them kids theyre like the same age as me now


End file.
